:: anne in the attic ::

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:: Sunday, June 25, 2006 ::

It's been quite a month. Since I've blogged last, all sorts of blogworthy dips and peaks have occurred, but the urge to delineate them verbally seemed so cumbersome. I was more content to let them remain the darker inklings at the periphery of my daily life. People continue to surprise, delight and disappoint me, and sometimes it's all I can do to weather that rollercoaster and keep my head up. I'm such a Virgo that I have to categorize it all, which can become exhausting. To care about and maintain so many relationships is just really hard-- nearly impossible sometimes. As I manage to deepen one friendship, another goes by the way, and there just isn't time for it all. And I feel bad when I think I may be neglecting people, because I know how it feels myself to think someone has forgotten about me or doesn't care anymore. Never in my life have I known so many people that I WANT to know-- I mean really KNOW. And I just don't want to take that road of mediocrity, where I have an acquaintanceship with many and true friendship with none. Each one asks a different part of me to grow, and each one offers a different peace in return. There just isn't time and that sucks. I don't know how to reconcile this, so maybe that partially explains the antisocial tendencies I've been having this year. Lately, I so often doubt my own worthiness that, as a friend said to me yesterday and I paraphrase, sometimes just picking up the phone is the hardest thing of all. So instead I delve into my musical pursuits and things sometimes come out in song. Not that I'm not happy to work on these projects-- it's just that sometimes I'd like to share ideas with others. I've had a couple of tastes of that lately-- playing with others-- and it's like heroin. I'm addicted and can't get enough, and I don't know when my next hit will be or where it's coming from.

:: Anne 8:26 PM [smartass remarks] ::
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