:: anne in the attic ::

Create Your Own Countdown

:: Friday, March 28, 2003 ::

My little blog is starving to death. Apologies to those who come looking for updates and find none.

Spring is usually like this, I guess. I topped out at 55 hours of work this past week, and next week looks to be slated about the same. This is the busy season, when everybody starts going on annual leave, and work really picks up until about September. Nice for the overtime, but there are so many other things I want to do as the weather warms up.

But just now, I need a little breather. I find myself rather perplexed today at someone's behavior toward me last night during a meeting. I let it get to me all day, and it consumed more energy than it should have, considering that I believe this person's hostility toward me said more about her than it did about me. Still, I didn't expect it, so it took me off guard. I always hate it when a wolf in sheep's clothing slips under my radar. As always, though, once I've seen the wolf for what it is, why do I still care? Is it ego? Is it compassion? Or is it merely a curiosity as to why people do the things they do, seemingly unprovoked? The Virgo analyst craves a behaviorist sociology. Answers. I guess the thing that really bothers me is that I thought this person respected me -- so there's the bruised ego, I guess. I am resisting the urge to categorize this person, although it would be a simple task, because I suspect my words would be borne of retaliation. And though others witnessed her harsh words, I left the situation before I could "check in" with anyone else about what they perceived. So I stewed about it all by myself all day. I don't like being so affected by others' negativity. I need to develop better ways of shucking this shit off -- because I sure don't need other people's shit stickin' to me! Okay, I'm done with this now. I hope. Goodnight.

:: Anne 9:34 PM [smartass remarks] ::
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I've been neglectful, yes. So many things are coming down the pike right now that I'm doing some serious juggling. (I mean, I still have to reschedule that root canal -- the temporary cement isn't going to hold that crown on forever!) After working many hours this last week, I finally took time out for some R&R and went to a birthday party. It was nice -- set just far enough out to feel like the country. The house is a geodesic dome with several triangular skylights. At one point, I managed to escape out onto the deck for a few minutes of quiet stargazing while sipping my beer. It was exactly what I needed to feel as though I could go inside and be social with people I knew either very little or not at all. And I was home by ten. So I spent some time with my guitar and went to bed.

Today, the partner has gone on an excursion to see friends in a nearby town. So I've had a pretty quiet day so far. I have put off my chores and taught myself some new music. This morning I baked some banana bread -- just in time, too, as the bananas I'd been saving really were beginning to look and smell like compost. Tomorrow it's back to work for probably another six days. Beginning about now and all the way up until September is "prime time" for annual leave, so we subs work our asses off this time of year. Well, that's okay, mama's got a big fat student loan to pay. Nice that it's staying lighter later, too, so it feels as though there's more time, even if there isn't.

Less than two months until the big concert, and there's still so much work to do.

:: Anne 5:57 PM [smartass remarks] ::
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How can the American public respect a president who incorrectly pronounces the name of the weapons with which he is so desperately obsessed as "nuke-u-lar"?? Damn.

:: Anne 9:35 PM [smartass remarks] ::
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Well, my partner has been off on a trip, so I have been kind of a bachelor(ette) -- y'know, eating pizza, leaving the dishes until morning, not folding my laundry, that sort of stuff. I had a surprise day off yesterday, which was cool -- I tackled some of the more engaging (and this means, of course, more enjoyable, too, right?) chores like "G.I.-ing" the bathroom and pruning the yard foliage down to naked sticks. Only now I need a truck to haul away all of the debris.

Dreams have returned to me, it seems. I think they disappear when I'm sleep-deprived for long periods, but now I must be getting the rest I need, because they're back. I had another dream about the choir members. This time we were all sharing a house down in New Orleans for Mardi Gras (which is today -- how timely, only this dream occurred a few nights ago). I was outside in front of the house trying to get back in, but I didn't have a key. Most of the choir members were gone, downtown at the celebration. Then two of the choir members (one of them a director) pulled up in their van -- they were just leaving, too. I asked for a key, and the choir director placed five guitar picks in the palm of my hand and told me that, using those, I could find a way to get back into the house. Then they left. Hmm. And dangit, I didn't remain asleep long enough to see exactly how that could be done. That would have been cool. Well, my brain was responsible for the dream, so I would imagine it would have worked out some sort of solution, as it has in the past. The ideas that sometimes surface in my dreams can only be described as bizarre. Once I wrote a paper (in a dream) on the death inherent in Susan Sontag's photography. I can still remember a couple of physics diagrams (two of them I have written down in one of my journals somewhere) from the series of physics dreams I had for a couple of years. Then there are the music dreams, which come in all manners and shapes. And the rest of them are usually teeming with interpersonal dynamics, implications and such. I remember once in a dream, my mother had bought me a car as my inheritance (a teal-colored Saturn... ew) and gave my brother the house. I was mad because I thought she got it backwards, but in reality it was I who created the dream backwards like that. I think I most enjoy the quality of dreams that allows me to explore situations without real consequences. In the many flying dreams I have had, I have definitely had my share of crack-ups, but never seem to suffer any kind of physical infirmities or pain. That's pretty neat.

:: Anne 5:06 PM [smartass remarks] ::
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