:: anne in the attic ::

Create Your Own Countdown

:: Wednesday, March 09, 2005 ::

There was an amazing fire-in-the-sky sunset this evening. I even called people to tell them to look. It's natural phenomena like this that knocks me off my feet and reminds me that my little life dramas are just that-- things that won't much matter in a week or two, or perhaps even a day later.

I've been feeling like an outcast again, and though I try to stay away from the whole whiny blog scene, sometimes it helps just to say it out loud, see the words there. So instead of harboring this unnamed feeling inside, I can label it and thus categorize and deal accordingly. I live so much in my head that sometimes it's hard to know exactly how much I perpetuate the "outcast" persona and project it into a kind of aura that keeps people at bay. Or maybe sometimes it's hard for some people to accept the degree of independence (for lack of a better word) I need to exercise most of the time; I've been told it makes people think I don't need them, or can't be bothered with them. And I suppose they're a bit put off by that.

Don't know how to address that precisely, but I should say that's it's only true of the general population, not the people in my community, friends, family.

That said, I am still absolutely convinced of my insignificance. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy myself in the moment, just means there are also moments of this that wash over me and remind me. Approaching forty has certainly changed the way I look at the world and my place in it.

:: Anne 8:02 PM [smartass remarks] ::
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