:: anne in the attic ::

Create Your Own Countdown

:: Monday, April 25, 2005 ::

Lately I've noticed a trend of several people in my usual circles of travel and acquaintanceship who operate on a rather unsavory criterion: If you don't worship me and what I do/have done, then I have no use for you. (An alternate and less severe maxim, albeit perhaps a not entirely conscious one: If you don't have something I want, then I don't have time for you.) These are the ones I have had to give up on, really, the ones with the Narcissistic bent (and at least one textbook Narcissist), because it's way too draining. A friendship should be reciprocal, and I've come into contact with way too many people in the past five years who just want whatever I can give them, be it material goods, or more often, emotional support, without much regard in turn for my being human as well. It's discouraging when someone only contacts you when they want something from you. I'm sure I have played a role in that and am not entirely without fault, but I was raised to share and to support my friends and family when they needed it. I am willing to help all manner of folks in all manner of situations-- that's not what I mean, and that's fine. I have also received help when needed, to be fair. I'm just feeling an imbalance in my life these days of superficial people who would probably not otherwise give me the time of day. I hate to say that, but it's been brewing for a while, and I need to admit it to myself that these people are not a positive influence and move past it, draw some boundaries, and begin new endeavors.

Unfortunately, my faith in humankind as a whole is not strengthened by these recent experiences. I've tried to be as unbiased as possible, but it really bums me out to see people do that to each other. Some of the people in my experience also act this way with other people, and tend to glom on to others who help them-- with work, with money, or with one-sided emotional support. (That's not to say that there aren't still some solid people in my life who are not this way, mostly the ones who have always been there. There are a few newer ones, but not many, who have shown themselves to be genuine.)

It could mean my expectations are too high, and they are pretty high; but they're not unreasonable, and I expect that I, too will abide by them. I expect people to live by the golden rule, pretty much, and not have double standards. I expect honesty, tempered by a healthy respect for each other's privacy (e.g. If I tell you I can't make a prospective activity because I have other plans, I think it's quite rude for you to retort, "What other plans?" If I had felt it necessary to say or wished you to know the details, I would have volunteered them in the first place). I don't expect that we will spend every meeting discussing your problems or your successes exclusively; on the other hand, a good give-and-take conversation is as good as a high. I don't expect you to think you have automatic designs on my time and resources just because you call yourself my friend. God, this is starting to sound like a fucking friendship manifesto, and I don't mean it to be... but it helps me to delineate these things, perhaps to see where lines need to be drawn. If having a healthy, balanced lifestyle means that I have to free myself from some imbalances, then here's hoping I am strong enough to do that.

:: Anne 11:05 AM [smartass remarks] ::
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