:: anne in the attic ::

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:: Sunday, May 27, 2007 ::

Is Mercury in retrograde or something? #*%`@*!! I'm trying to write this letter to someone-- a fairly long letter-- and I'm just stubbing my brain on it repeatedly; things just aren't flowing well. Time to set it down for a bit, I guess.

This morning, I decided that, after this plane of existence, if I have the choice, I'd like to live this life once more, at least. Looking back, and within, I'm beginning to see that I have been given a great many options to do just about anything, and my choices have been rather conservative with regard to risk. I could have been a record producer, a filmmaker, a band member (piano? guitar? bass? drums? any one of those), an actor, a painter, a pilot, an architect.... But they all require a certain risk with regard to financial stability-- why was I not willing to risk that? Hm. Avenues of choice also apply to my relationships with people. There are those to whom I'd be a better friend; and there are those whose red flags I would heed with more alacrity. I suppose much of this is hindsight, but there's more to it: you can't do it all. And in some lifetimes, you can't really do much at all, it seems. Sometimes you're just born without the ability. But I believe I've been given a great many gifts that I haven't used, for one reason or another. In short, I enjoy being in my own head (most of the time)-- it's highly amusing, never dull, and I'm grateful to be able to wrap my little brain around so many wonderful concepts and experiences. Not everyone gets to have that, I think. What I have left of this life is fairly planned out, to a certain extent. But if given the choice to come back as however I wished, I would like to try this one again. I wonder if I would have learned enough (and retained the lessons) to step out of the box, so to speak. I mean, I have 20/15 vision, better than average. Why am I not flying planes? Why am I holding myself back from my heart's true desires?

:: Anne 10:37 AM [smartass remarks] ::
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